Rehabilitation through Respect

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PsyR Connections 2015 Issue 2
August 5, 2015
By: 

Bud Clayman, Editor in Chief of OC87 Recovery Diaries.com

I have been in psychiatric recovery for the last ten years. In fact, I have made a feature film about that recovery entitled, “OC87: The Obsessive Compulsive, Major Depression, Bipolar, Asperger’s Movie.” I have been diagnosed with all the diseases found in the title of the film and currently struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder and Asperger’s syndrome. I would have to say that a key element in my recovery has been respect from others.

When I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, there were several treatment professionals who showed me “tough love.” One social worker in a treatment facility said to me something like, “You’re laying on your ass on a bare mattress all day, how do you expect to get well?” This approach was exactly what I did not need at the time. I was severely depressed. I believe they felt this “tough love” approach would “motivate” me, but it only made me angrier than I already was.

It wasn’t until I worked with my current therapist, who treats me for Asperger’s syndrome, that I realized that the “tough love” approach was wrong for me.

The reason “tough love” doesn’t work in psychiatric rehabilitation is because it shames the whole person instead of working on the behavior. Rather than punishing me and shaming me when I make a mistake, my current therapist treats me with what I call “firm compassion.” This is far better for me than “tough love.” Indeed, there are times when I’ve needed consequences for my actions, but rather than chide me with disparaging remarks, my therapist and I have developed a penalty and rewards system that has worked tremendously well! For example, there was a time when I was depressed and I wasn’t showering or shaving. Rather than say to me, “You’re smelling odiferous today, Buddy,” or “You look unkempt,” we devised a rewards system for which I would receive a set amount of money for doing these hygiene chores. The money would then go into a kitty from which I could buy items. Even though the money came from my own bank account, I agreed to the program because it helped me to push through on difficult things when I was clearly not in the mood to do them. I now have abolished that kitty as the hygiene behaviors have habituated and I am able to do them without the need for an incentive or penalty. I do them now because it is the right thing to do and when I don’t do them, which is rare, I feel guilty.

Other times, my therapist takes the opportunity to turn a mistake into a “teachable moment.” Instead of getting angry with me, she reminds me ‘’that for this moment you are doing the best that you can do, but we can learn from it and do better the next time.” She is also teaching me to focus on the natural consequences in a situation. Even if the consequences are painful, they teach me for the next time the same situation might occur.

Part of the problem is not just a treatment provider one but a societal one. Why else would we be incarcerating people with psychiatric disabilities who need a different kind of environment to thrive in rather than a prison? Our society is too heavily bent on an old form of revengeful punishment. It believes that the tougher you are with a person, the more they will just “snap into place.” I believe this is a fallacy and that we are turning out angrier people than who originally went into prison in the first place.

The focus here should be on psychiatric recovery. Another part of the problem is that many people with psychiatric disabilities are treated like children and not adults. This is demeaning to the person from the outset, and can create an unwanted defiance in the person as well. I have observed that many parents who have adult children with a psychiatric disability treat their children with condescension rather than respect. They involve themselves in their child’s decisions despite protests to “Stay out of this!” Understandably, there are fears. For example, some parents are afraid for their offspring to work too many hours. It is almost as if this person was two years old and they might fall and hurt themselves. As a result, children become more dependent than independent. This only complicates the adult’s skill to deal with his or her disability. My advice to parents in this situation is to separate your fears from your children’s fears as they may not be the same. And let your children make some mistakes – that is the only way they will learn to take care of themselves and their disability. Smothering a child in the name of love is one sure way I believe of crippling a child and making it harder for them to cope with their own illness.  

The question of how much a person with a psychiatric disability should be asked to work is also important. But “asked” is the wrong word because they should be encouraged to work as much as possible. I once met someone at a treatment center who said he was too depressed to work so he would watch television all day. I found out that once I started working again, even on a part time basis (along with medication), my depression subsided and I had more energy. I felt good about myself. I respected myself!

I will also say that I no longer suffer from bipolar disorder! The combination of meds, therapy, work, and supportive relationships has helped me reach my current state. In the end, it all comes down to equality. Those with psychiatric disabilities want to and (should be) treated as equals and with respect. They are capable of anything in life!

Bud Clayman is the Editor in Chief of OC87 Recovery Diaries.com, a mental health website devoted to stories of recovery and empowerment. He is also the Principle Subject and Executive Producer of the feature length documentary, “OC87: The Obsessive Compulsive, Major Depression, Bipolar, Asperger’s Movie.” The film is currently available through Netflix, Amazon, and You Tube.

 

Contact Bud and for more information, visit OC87 Recovery Diaries and the OC87 website.